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The Order of Canada is the nation’s most prestigious civilian award, given by the Governor General to extraordinary Canadians whose actions have improved the country or made the world a better place. Winning the Order of Canada isn’t easy, but here is a list of 10 things you can do that will help you join the ranks of Canada’s most elite.
1) Write a number of classic, beloved Canadian books. Though you may spend much of your time alone with your cats in front of the pale glow of your computer, it’s possible that your years of solitude may pay off. Appointees: Margaret Atwood, Paulette Bourgeois (Franklin the Turtle), Farley Mowat.
2) Make music, become famous and then move to the United States. Canada has long been the location of many artists’ humble beginnings. Appointees: Paul Anka, Tom Cochrane, Burton Cummings, Celine Dion, Diana Krall, k.d. lang, Neil Young, Gordon Lightfoot, Joni Mitchell.
3) Own or manage an NHL hockey team. Hockey is Canada’s game. The Order of Canada is Canada’s award. It’s a match made in heaven. Even if you don’t play, your association with the sport may be all you need to receive an Order of Canada. Appointees: Marcel Aubut, Sam Pollock, Mario Lemieux.
4) Make people laugh then move to Hollywood. Appointees: Steve Smith (aka Red Green),Dan Akroyd, Leslie Nielson, Martin Short, Paul Schaffer.
5) Attend an Ontario private school, even if you dont live in the province. Ontario is the home of home of many Order of Canada appointees, many of whom got their start in private schools. These academic institutions have a rich history of planting the seeds of knowledge into some of Canada’s brightest minds, so why not attend such a school and surround yourself with others who might be making the Order of Canada appointments one day. Appointees: Vincent Massey, Graham Towers, Rob McEwen, Jack McClelland, John Crosbie and others.
6) Own a major media conglomerate and various holding companies, but eventually get caught for diverting company funds for personal benefit. Everyone loves an underdog, right? Even the millionaires! Appointee: Conrad Black
7) Become the Governor General. As someone who gives out the awards, it becomes easy to slip your own name onto the list. These medals look great with other royal regalia, and make great conversation pieces among other political patronage appointees. Appointees: Adrienne Clarkson, Vincent Massey, Edward Schreyer.
8) If you can’t necessarily become Governor General yourself, try to at least marry someone who will be. Once you’ve done this, you’ll be first in line to be awarded an Order of Canada. Isn’t love grand? Appointee: John Ralston Saul, Karen Gerda Hnatyshyn, Lily Schreyer.
9) Play a sport really, really well. Nothing says “making the world a better place” like getting paid millions of dollars to play a game for a living. If you manage to bring home an Olympic gold medal, so much the better. Bonus points may or may not be awarded if the bulk of your career is not actually spent in Canada. Appointees: Mario Lemieux, Kurt Browning, Louis Garneau, Wayne Gretzky, Steve Nash, Gordon Howe, Clara Hughes, Mike Weir and others.
10) Get elected Prime Minister of Canada. The Prime Minister gets to choose the Governor General, so pick someone who understands the meaning of “I scratch your back, you scratch mine.” It doesn’t matter how long or short your tenure as PM is, so long as you’ve called 24 Sussex Drive home, you’re a shoe in. Joe Clark, John Turner, Brian Mulroney, Kim Campbell, Jean Chrétien,
While these tips won’t guarantee that you win an Order of Canada, these are some things that will be sure to put you on the path to life-long greatness.
What a comprehensive list, Rob. Well done. As someone who didn't attend an Ontario private school, my hopes were a little bit dashed. I suppose I can always hope to become Governor General! I do have a couple of other ways to win the Order of Canada (I tried to match your writing for style and wit): 11) Talk about sex. Canadians can’t seem to get enough, so talk about it a lot. Talk about it on TV, on the radio and at university campuses across the country. The more people you talk to about sex, the more likely you are to receive the Order. Appointee: Sue Johanson 12) Beer: Make it, market it, sell it, drink it. Canadians are proud of their tradition of lagers and ales. “I am Canadian” is a slogan that resonates through our very core because it differentiates us from our neighbours to the south. If you can create a beer company as successful as his, there is no doubt that someone will put your name forward! Appointee: Eric H. Molson. 13) Save the environment. Canadians like the environment – it’s where they keep their stuff. Devoting your career to sustainability not only helps your chances of receiving an Order of Canada, but it also gives you a smug sense of self-righteousness when you’re driven to the Governor General’s residence in a hybrid-electric limousine. Appointees: David Suzuki, Elizabeth May
I share a birthday with Brian Mulroney, do I qualify?